Friendship is a beautiful thing, right? But.. what about when it's not?
It's one of those relationships that can truly fuck you up for the rest of your life..
I hate how relatable it sounds.. the sheer number of people who
Have at some point in their life
Felt betrayed by a friend
Felt unappreciated by a friend
Felt like they gave too much of theirselves away for someone who they thought would do the same,
Only to never be able to feel whole again
How does one really fill that hole?
How do you stop yourself from booty dialing that one (ex) best friend at 3am when you're feeling down
Or just really need someone to talk to?
Do you stop watching that tv show they got you hooked on?
Or forget the lyrics to every song of the band you both loved and jammed to at every sleepover?
The matching tees
The way they take their coffee
The inside jokes
The darkest secrets
The first boy who broke her heart
The book she can never get enough of
To the first time you caught them lying
Your conversations got shorter
The hugs felt colder
I .. don't really know where I'm going with this..
But I'd just like to say I'm sorry for anyone who knows what I'm really trying to say.. y'all are precious and deserve the world!
I know I might sound overly dramatic to some, so
Lemme just say I'm really happy for y'all.. happy that no one ever made you feel that way and I hope no one ever does!
Have a great day everyone💖
We’re the personification of irony, all of us
We’re afraid of being alone, and yet whenever we’re faced with a problem,
or simply overwhelmed,
We’re too proud to say we’re not okay
Instead, our first instinct is to hide,
Because we want to deal with it on our own
Beause we simply refuse to believe that anyone could actually help
Because we don’t want anyone to see that speck of vulnerability in us
Our fences of insecurity and self defences have become giant impenetrable walls
We cannot think, cannot see through it
Or probably just won’t
With a variety of excuses in our arsenal
Ready to shoot down any rational arguement that tries to break through
Because taking a leap of faith has broken us instead at some point in life
But what we don’t get is that it’s not the decision of letting in that was wrong as much as the person we actually let in
That we failed to notice the ones who not only could but actually did have our backs
And thus we let the ripple effects of our mistakes hold us back further
Because we want people to beleive in us without the heart to let go of our fears
I think and I think and I think
Nothing helps, no matter what I drink
Sticking out like a sore thumb, is it really that bad?
Being okay with it, why does it make them mad?
They try and try to blend you in, to get lost in the crowd
So when you realise you’re truly lost, does it make them proud?
The guilt it instills in you, the endless rounds of questioning yourselves,
Even the lost will to exist , to breathe , to stand up for ourselves,
But don’t let your ideas and efforts get abashed in the name of potential mistakes
Rip the pages of belittlement and let them sing of your triumphs, whatever it takes!
A lie we all regret believing ,
Who knew such a hoax it would end up being !
The picture everyone had us paint in our head so deceiving ,
And every conception about adulting, oh so misleading !!!
The colour of love, the colour of roses
But also as a symbol of danger it poses
A sign of life in the form of blood
Is there even a soul who dislikes it in the world?
The queen of sultry from dresses to cherries
And glossy lips , wine and strawberries
It can empower a woman, taking a spot on her forehead
Or make her impure, confining her for days to her bed
A control freak by nature, loves to be in charge all the time
It sets boundaries for even the rainbows that shine
Who else could dare stop vehicles on busy streets
Or make women too ominous for even God to greet !
I want to write a letter
To the five year old me
Whose smile was brighter than sun that shined
With rosy cheeks and eyes too kind
Who knew perfectly well how to throw tantrums and fits
And such a devilish sense of humour, with none that could match her wits
Hoping to find the key to happiness she had
That let her be hopeful, even in situations that bad
I want to write a letter
To the ten year old me
Who loved everything around her selflessly and was instantly liked by all
Who was reckless and had not a care in the world as she knew no one would let her fall
Hoping to get back some of the confidence, fierceness and charm in her
That seems to have kept fading away, day by day, year by year
I want to write a letter
To the fifteen year old me
Who knew she wasn’t born to be confined in that small town that kept her tied
Who was so determined to spread out her wings and fly, that she couldn’t help and lied
Not just to her parents but also to herself, that everytime would be the last
And now their disappointed faces and the guilt have become the ghosts that haunt her past
Hoping to remind her how dearly she was loved and that she only had to ask
For help, for support, even a shoulder to cry on instead of hiding behind that mask
I want to write a letter
To the 20 year old me
Who will probably have began working a corporate job
Or figured out the hoax and with no way out be digging into the pillow to cover her sob
Hoping that I can provide her with a few words of comfort on such stormy nights
And remind her of the girl she was, of how bravely she fought all her fights
And despite everyone trying to tame her down, she stuck up for herself, for her dreams
Right or not, winning or not, she’ll always be the one constant player on her team!
Her glistening eyes that once were a calm ocean now behold a burning rage
Cover your legs they said, no crop tops they said, it’s not the right age
She ditched the stilletos for they were provocative they said
But that didnt prevent it from happening, nor did the saffron on her head
Neither the concrete structure she’d go for praying with flowers and her soul to offer
Nor did the society she desperately tried to fit in tried to take the pain off her
Her cries for help were answered by pretentious display of sympathy
But they soon dried up , along with the expectations of their empathy
It’s strange how she was left alone to fight her battles by herself
And now since she finally stopped trying and decided to give in to her fate
She sells her body they say
Got no morals, just a will and a way
She aint fit to live in our society they diss
Holding her guilty for enjoying such bliss ….
Is it him that she really loves ?
Or is it the idea of being in love !
Is her heart really even in love at all ?
Or is it just her eyes causing the fall!
I was extremely overwhelmed when I got this notification a few days back saying someone nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Thankyou soo much Asfa http://asfaabtabwrites.wordpress.com for reading all my posts and beleiving in me.
So here go the rules:
- Thank the blogger who nominated you & link their blog so everyone can visit.
- Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you.
- Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
- Notify the nominees by commenting on their blog post.
- List the rules and display the Award logo on your blog post.
My questions were:
1.Can you tell everyone what your blog is about and what to expect from your posts.? My blog is nothing but a collection of random thoughts and mood swings I get, presented in the form of words and poems.
2.If you were to ever write an autobiography, what would the title be and why? The title would probably be “A plump and clumsy girl’s guide to living” 😂
3. Who inspires you in life? My elder brother inspires me a lot. Obviously I would never admit it to him (coz, thats what siblings do😂) , but I love how smart , humorous and caring he is despite of the ample amount of annoyance and laziness
4. If you had to disappear and start a whole new life, what would you want your new life to look like? If I really had a chance, I’d probably be having a career in journalism and take up as many courses on literature as I can!
5. What are your best qualities, according to you? I think that would be passion. Be it music, singing, best friends……Also, I love my hair, if that counts!
6. If magic was real, what spell would you learn first? The first spell would definitely be something to make myself taller !!😂( dont judge, but trust me the struggle is real for a 5ft girl)
7. Do you think that Aliens exist? I havent really given it much of a thought but based on the vastness of the universe.. I think they probably do.
8. What would the box with all your 2019 goals look like? Firstly, clear my professional exams and a few other fitness goals.
9. If you didnt have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? I could watch movies and tv series or listen to music with an unlimited supply of snacks at one arm distance.
10. What is the first thing you notice about a person? First would be the way they speak and strangely the amount of personal space they like to keep and allow, eye contact, and so on .
11. What is your favourite season and why? I’ll pick autumn. The climate is pleasant, the rains are almost gone and winter chills start creeping in (where’s all the hot chocolate at!)
Since its my turn to nominate other people now, I present to you these amazing bloggers:
The actual list is a never ending one.. tere are so manyy amazing bloggers out there… but since I had to restrict myself these were the names that kinda popped in my head…
Finally, the list of questions I’d love to read their answers to:
1. Why exactly did you start blogging ?
2. Which is your favourite genre to write about?
3. Name a book you loved and why
4. If you had to introduce yourself in 2 lines?
5. Has blogging/writing helped you over the time? How?
6. What can you live without for a day : food or music?
7. Pick one again : FRIENDS or Game of thrones?
8. A superpower you wish you had?
9. Name a behaviour or thing that annoys you the most?
10. Who would you pick to be with if you’re gonna be stuck in a room for n entire day?
11. Okay, last one! Any comments or suggestions for me to improve please!
Looking forward to your answers! Bye..