A letter to myself

I want to write a letter

To the five year old me

Whose smile was brighter than sun that shined

With rosy cheeks and eyes too kind

Who knew perfectly well how to throw tantrums and fits

And such a devilish sense of humour, with none that could match her wits

Hoping to find the key to happiness she had

That let her be hopeful, even in situations that bad


I want to write a letter

To the ten year old me

Who loved everything around her selflessly and was instantly liked by all

Who was reckless and had not a care in the world as she knew no one would let her fall

Hoping to get back some of the confidence, fierceness and charm in her

That seems to have kept fading away, day by day, year by year


I want to write a letter

To the fifteen year old me

Who knew she wasn’t born to be confined in that small town that kept her tied

Who was so determined to spread out her wings and fly, that she couldn’t help and lied

Not just to her parents but also to herself, that everytime would be the last

And now their disappointed faces and the guilt have become the ghosts that haunt her past

Hoping to remind her how dearly she was loved and that she only had to ask

For help, for support, even a shoulder to cry on instead of hiding behind that mask


I want to write a letter

To the 20 year old me

Who will probably have began working a corporate job

Or figured out the hoax and with no way out be digging into the pillow to cover her sob

Hoping that I can provide her with a few words of comfort on such stormy nights

And remind her of the girl she was, of how bravely she fought all her fights

And despite everyone trying to tame her down, she stuck up for herself, for her dreams

Right or not, winning or not, she’ll always be the one constant player on her team!

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57 thoughts on “A letter to myself

  1. Some thoughts from a mom of teen daughters: Teendom is not permanent. You might find at 20 that you’re competent, loved, forgiven and so many other good things. Every age has its peculiar difficulties. But, God is able. Blessings!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wonderful! Somewhere in those years we grew, few things changed and few things remainded as such. Reminiscence of the past, consolation to your present and advice to your future self, beautifully culminate in this lovely poem. You are a true champion indeed. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  3. First of all, I’d like to thank you for the follow at 1sojournal. I like your letter/s. I kept a daily journal for almost forty years and it swiftly became my daily letters to myself. Made notes of the things I wanted to remember and helped me heal a lot of what happened in my childhood. It also honed my writing skills that led me to a life I could never have dreamed of. Your letter reminded me of all of that and more. Thanks for sharing,

    Elizabeth
    https://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2019/05/05/barefoot-reverie/

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Almost 40 years!!! Wow!! I’ve tried many times to maintain a journal but somehow it never worked out… I highly appreciate your persistence!
      I’m glad my writing brought back all those memories for you…
      Thanks!πŸ˜‡

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      1. Actually, I refused to call it a Journal for several years. That word seemed to speak too much to both commitment and obligation and those things sounded like a chain with locks, lol. I called it my Morning Pages, a place where I could dump the garbage from yesterday and free myself to get on with today. And, to a great extent, that is what they provided me with. My secret dream was to become a writer, an impossibility as far as I was concerned, so I put on the appearance of being one. Only to watch my dream unfold and become a reality in ways I could never have imagined. And yes, there were several times when I stopped and refused to continue, but always returned. Maybe because life holds a bit too much garbage in need of being cleaned up and cleared away? Good luck to you in all of your future endeavors,

        Elizabeth

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Journal or not … writing about one’s own life.. day after day.. year after year.. it could easily overwhelm you too much.. and the chances that someone might stumble upon it someday and start reading making you feel completely exposed and naked…. that shit scares me..
          Anyway.. I chose the second closest option.. ie the human dumping bag.. for the last seven years my beat friend and I would daily call each other in the night and rant about everything we had to.. a bit stupid but it really helped!
          Thank you so much elizabeth nd good luck to you too!

          Like

          1. Sorry for not getting back here sooner. I’ve been working on a book. As to your comment about how daily journaling might be overwhelming, it could be. But, instead, I found it to be a means of actually seeing my own life experiences and seeking ways to change it. It was there on those pages that I came to terms with the very real fact that I was a victim of domestic violence and made plans to get myself and kids free of the abuse.

            But I also found that writing, whatever sort of writing one does, must come from ones own experience. It is what we know, how we work in the world that fuels our words. I write both prose and poetry and even an occasional fiction short story. But whatever I write comes from my personal truths, the way I see those experiences. And I discovered those truths inside those journal pages. Actually created them on those daily pages.

            And yes, someone might find them. I used to have a neighbor who took care of my dog when I’d be gone for more than a day. One day, when I was paying her for that job, she started asking me about a very personal experience that I immediately knew had to have come from my journal. I stopped her from whatever she was saying, took back the cash and asked her if she’d been reading my journal. She said, “but you left it out in the open, so you can’t get angry.” I reminded her that it was kept at the bottom of a pile of other books, and that didn’t matter. She should have had enough respect for my person to simply put it back when she realized that it was personal. That instead, she had simply proven that she was no more than an untrustworthy snoop and I would definitely let everyone know that. Then showed her to the door while telling her that she’d never be welcome in my home again.”

            My journal helped me find myself, a person I respect and am willing to defend. What’s more important, is that it allowed me to actually do the daily work necessary to find, accept, and love that individual. For me, that is priceless.

            Elizabeth

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I really appreciate your courage .. you’ve truly inspired me .. I’m really sorry for all that you had to go through… times like these make me feel how unfair life is at times… but I’m really glad you resorted to writing…. I know it’s a really wonderful and yet painful process to document one’s feelings and experiences… but in the end it is definitely worth all of it.. I hope you have a great life ahead!
              And.. umm.. thank you so much for sharing this important piece of your life here and reading my blog..

              Liked by 1 person

  4. Absolutely. Enjoy as much of life as you safely can. Above all be your own person and counsel. Listen to the silence and you will hear your own small voice in the desert. Much like I did in writing my book ..Whisper..I like teens a lot..take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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