Friendship and closure

Friendship is a beautiful thing, right? But.. what about when it's not?
It's one of those relationships that can truly fuck you up for the rest of your life.. 
I hate how relatable it sounds.. the sheer number of people who 
Have at some point in their life
Felt betrayed by a friend
Felt unappreciated by a friend 
Felt like they gave too much of theirselves away for someone who they thought would do the same, 
Only to never be able to feel whole again
How does one really fill that hole?
How do you stop yourself from booty dialing that one (ex) best friend at 3am when you're feeling down 
Or just really need someone to talk to?
Do you stop watching that tv show they got you hooked on?
Or forget the lyrics to every song of the band you both loved and jammed to at every sleepover?
The matching tees
The way they take their coffee
The inside jokes
The darkest secrets
The first boy who broke her heart
The book she can never get enough of
To the first time you caught them lying
Your conversations got shorter
The hugs felt colder

I .. don't really know where I'm going with this.. 
But I'd just like to say I'm sorry for anyone who knows what I'm really trying to say.. y'all are precious and deserve the world! 


P.S.
I know I might sound overly dramatic to some, so
Lemme just say I'm really happy for y'all.. happy that no one ever made you feel that way and I hope no one ever does! 
Have a great day everyone💖

Whatever it takes

I think and I think and I think

Nothing helps, no matter what I drink

Sticking out like a sore thumb, is it really that bad?

Being okay with it, why does it make them mad?

They try and try to blend you in, to get lost in the crowd

So when you realise you’re truly lost, does it make them proud?

The guilt it instills in you, the endless rounds of questioning yourselves,

Even the lost will to exist , to breathe , to stand up for ourselves,

But don’t let your ideas and efforts get abashed in the name of potential mistakes

Rip the pages of belittlement and let them sing of your triumphs, whatever it takes!

Red

The colour of love, the colour of roses

But also as a symbol of danger it poses

A sign of life in the form of blood

Is there even a soul who dislikes it in the world?

The queen of sultry from dresses to cherries

And glossy lips , wine and strawberries

It can empower a woman, taking a spot on her forehead

Or make her impure, confining her for days to her bed

A control freak by nature, loves to be in charge all the time

It sets boundaries for even the rainbows that shine

Who else could dare stop vehicles on busy streets

Or make women too ominous for even God to greet !

I MISS HIM…..

I miss him

Even though he is right in front of me

Laughing and talking with our friends

I wanna walk straight up to him ask him how his day was and whatever else I manage to blurt about

I start to call out for him but words refuse to escape my mouth

And so I scurry back away, making a complete fool of myself all over again

I miss him

Even though I’ve continuously been reading our conversations,

Trying to find out some loophole, something that I might’ve missed the first time

Or the hundredth time

But they give me the same butterflies, the same confusion, the same pain again

And I end up in a blurry wave of emotions with no proper conclusion all over again

I miss him

Even though his picture is painted oh so vividly in my eyes

I still yearn to see him, every chance I can

To fuel the fire burning in me, burning me up

Wondering if he’d ever feel any of it

If I’ll ever be able to tell him any of it,

But mostly, if it’ll make any difference to him,

And I’m going round and round in those same circles in my mind, all over again!

HE’S THE ONE !

If he listens to you rant on and on about how your eyeliners dont match,he’s the one!
But if he tells you to stop being a whiny little kid and probably just do them again, he’s the one!

If he knows when you’re feeling off, and how to cheer you up, he’s the one!
If he patiently waits for you to tell him about it, when you’re willing, he’s the one!

If he wraps you up in big bear hugs and is up for cuddling whenever you need, he’s the one!
But if he likes to have his own space and also respects yours, he’s the one!

If he orders you an extra cheesy pizza when all you ask for is a salad, he’s the one!
If he cockily snatches away fries from your plate when you arent looking, he’s the one!

If he loves to hold your hand and keep you close and proudly show you off, he’s the one!
But if he’d rather have you all for himself than sharing your divine moments, he’s the one!

If he passionately hypes you up inspite of your twisted raunchy humour, he’s the one!
But if he calls you out on your bullshit and then revels in watching the angry pout on your face, he’s the one!

If he remembers random little details about things you say, your likes and dislikes , he’s the one!
Even if he forgets your birthday or when you first met , but makes every day seem just as special, he’s definitely the one !!!

Haunted memories

She wound the rugged jacket tightly around herself

Its scent made her feel close to her dad

It made her feel safe, warm and fearless

Now it wasnt pretty and pink like the others

But it suited perfectly her disguise, one she strived to maintain

The deliberate walls she built around herself, never letting anyone in

Or the stone cold , bulletproof attitude she had mastered

Others beleived that she wore it to protect her body

But it was her heart that she really intended to save with her pretence

Inside, she always wanted badly to beleive in fairytales and santa claus

To dance around in the rains and chase butterflies across

But it took only one look, one touch,

One scream is all she could manage before shattering into million pieces

The one person she loved as much as her own father, whom she trusted,

Had now been a permanent part of her nightmares

The memory of his lusty eyes and drooling face still made her shrug

She hated hersef for being weak and letting him crush her, for not being able to defend herself

She hated how she let that one person affect her so much

To make her beleive that all of it was her fault

How it created this large void in her soul and filled it with hatred,

Towards herself and everone else

Noticing a silent tear roll down her cheek,

He cupped her face and held her closer

Before she met him, she’d accepted to be broken, damaged forever

It was strange, how one man scarred her for life while another one wanted lovingly to spend his entire life healing them

She looked deeply into his blue eyes, overwhelmed by the love and respect they reflected

She no longer needed the walls around her, she was happy to have let him in,

She felt vulnerable and yet safe in his arms

Something she thought was impossible before

She’d finally found her prince charming!!!

Wanna share a muffin?

I dont know why I try to camouflage in their skin

And not stand up for myself, for what I am within

Adding layers upon layers and masks upon masks

Anything to fill the deep pit of soliteriness and self loathing, why do I do it to myself I ask

Why cant I enjoy a queit cup of coffee with my favourite book ,

And not care about my messy braid or how I look?

Why is everyone so reluctant to stand out ,

To simply smile instead of woo and pout?

I wonder if I’ll ever find, in this world of picture perfect freak shakes and fries

Someone who’d like to share … maybe a muffin? Or atleast tries..?

Decoding love

I’ve always wondered what love really is

Is it the helpless smile that gets plastered on your face whenever you talk

Or the unknown sadness you feel when you are away?

Is it the little dance your mind does when you spot them in a crowd

Or the tears that u supress when you cant express it out loud!

Does it give u wings or instead have u tied

Does it help u flourish or dry up inside,

“It hurts” said a broken heart, “it heals” said another,

So does it come with conditions necessary to abide?