Friendship is a beautiful thing, right? But.. what about when it's not?
It's one of those relationships that can truly fuck you up for the rest of your life..
I hate how relatable it sounds.. the sheer number of people who
Have at some point in their life
Felt betrayed by a friend
Felt unappreciated by a friend
Felt like they gave too much of theirselves away for someone who they thought would do the same,
Only to never be able to feel whole again
How does one really fill that hole?
How do you stop yourself from booty dialing that one (ex) best friend at 3am when you're feeling down
Or just really need someone to talk to?
Do you stop watching that tv show they got you hooked on?
Or forget the lyrics to every song of the band you both loved and jammed to at every sleepover?
The matching tees
The way they take their coffee
The inside jokes
The darkest secrets
The first boy who broke her heart
The book she can never get enough of
To the first time you caught them lying
Your conversations got shorter
The hugs felt colder
I .. don't really know where I'm going with this..
But I'd just like to say I'm sorry for anyone who knows what I'm really trying to say.. y'all are precious and deserve the world!
I know I might sound overly dramatic to some, so
Lemme just say I'm really happy for y'all.. happy that no one ever made you feel that way and I hope no one ever does!
Have a great day everyone💖
Let go of our fears
We’re the personification of irony, all of us
We’re afraid of being alone, and yet whenever we’re faced with a problem,
or simply overwhelmed,
We’re too proud to say we’re not okay
Instead, our first instinct is to hide,
Because we want to deal with it on our own
Beause we simply refuse to believe that anyone could actually help
Because we don’t want anyone to see that speck of vulnerability in us
Our fences of insecurity and self defences have become giant impenetrable walls
We cannot think, cannot see through it
Or probably just won’t
With a variety of excuses in our arsenal
Ready to shoot down any rational arguement that tries to break through
Because taking a leap of faith has broken us instead at some point in life
But what we don’t get is that it’s not the decision of letting in that was wrong as much as the person we actually let in
That we failed to notice the ones who not only could but actually did have our backs
And thus we let the ripple effects of our mistakes hold us back further
Because we want people to beleive in us without the heart to let go of our fears
Its How You Lost The Guy!
You stood there waiting for him, nervousness filling you up with each passing second. It was the same park where you both first met. You remenisce on the wonderful memories you’d created walking through the same roads, the times you pretended to be cold so that he would wrap you up in his jacket! The many coffee dates he took you on inspite of being more of a tea person himself. The way you’d squeeze his hand tight and give him a comforting smile, to reassure him. You lowkey loved how he was extremely protective and possessive about you but would never admit.
But he wasnt there today, you know he’s gone
You crave his scent , his warm hands around you! You always kept pushing him, like others, to see if he would come back, if he cared enough to fight for you. And everytime that he did, your feelings and trust in him grew a little stronger. Each time,he’d hold and comfort you, and tell you he loved you. But it somehow was never enough for you and you’d push him back farther each time. Well, guess what! This time you finally pushed him so far away, that he couldnt find his way back. All thats left for you to do is stand there waiting for him, hoping for your love to guide him back to you!
To the idiot I love
Your voice is my favourite music
The kind I’d love to listen to all day!
Your eyes my favourite illusion, in them
I’d love to get lost in every way!
Your scent feels just like home
The kind I never wanna stay away from, honestly, never!
Your shoulders more relaxing than any bed
Time stops and all my worries disappear and for once, it feels like forever!
Your hugs , the way you so deftly scoop me up in your strong arms
They’re the cocoons I keep coming back to even after breking free!
Your smile, the heavenly blend of innocence and tease
Knowing that I’m the reason for it, sends my heart on a happy spree!
Mirage called Love
How could you be dumb enough
To beleive him when he said you were special,
that there existed between you a common denominator
To forget all those times he ignored your calls and texts just because he was “sorry” later
How could you be so blind
To look past all his wrongs just because deep down you wanted him to be your “right”
To tolerate patiently all his mood swings for you fall all over again at his mere sight
How could you not realise,
The strings that you thought were attatched strongly had infact many loose ends
“The one” for him you werent, for you, none of his rules he’d ever bend
How could you be so reckless
To give up on your friends who meant the world to you to fit in his tiny dingy heart
To keep hiding all those scars he so obliviously gave
For the fear of everything falling apart…..
ROSES AND THORNS
This damn world as they say, is not a bed of roses
And not everytime does a window open, when all doors it closes
You think its just you?
No honey its something everyone goes through
If you think karma is the only kinky bitch that loves to fuck you up,
You’ll soon learn just how oblivious you were,
When life decides to catch up!!!
WORDS THAT REMAINED UNSAID
I know its been a really long while but I wanted to let you know
I told you I loved you, not just to hear you say it back to me
But because I meant it , I still do
I dont care if we havent been in touch lately,
I dont care if all you want to do is rant about something stupid in life
I dont care if its 3 in the morning and you think I’m probably asleep
Just know, that I’m gonna be there, always!
Because that is what love means to me,
That.. is what you mean to me!
Cut yourself a little slack !
Cut yourself a little slack
You know you’ve been through a lot,
The barriers you thought you’d never get through
The set backs you didnt think you could move on from
The test you thought you wouldnt ever be able to pass in
The obdurate pimple you feared would grace your face forever
That embarassing incident in high school, the churlish classmates and their laughter echoing in your ears
Left you crestfallen, wanting to disappear
Didnt it make you beleive your life was fucking messed up and couldnt be worse?
Now take a long moment and think of all those times and situations again
Yes you’ve made it out alive
And you’re gonna keep doing so
You may not pass everytime with flying colours
But you’ll always learn something new, experience something unique
And life will make a little more sense each day!
Our life is what we build it to be..
I had promised myself to be strong and collected
To be my first priority for a change
But I could feel the tears well up and make their way down my cheeks
So safe to say, I was back to my vulnerable self again!
I had by now started to believe I was a lost case
But then I remembered the words of an angel who, with such grace
Encouraged me to come out of the pool of self loathing and false pity I had soaked myself into
Thats it! I said, I had finally realised and set my actual goal to chase
There are a lot of things no number of books can ever teach us and this I think is one of them
Our life is what we chose it to be , what we build it to be and the poor stars are not to be blamed
It will always give you challenges and throw tantrums even , only to sit back and enjoy waching you stumble and fall , when
“Haha You Lose!” It will have claimed
She wound the rugged jacket tightly around herself
Its scent made her feel close to her dad
It made her feel safe, warm and fearless
Now it wasnt pretty and pink like the others
But it suited perfectly her disguise, one she strived to maintain
The deliberate walls she built around herself, never letting anyone in
Or the stone cold , bulletproof attitude she had mastered
Others beleived that she wore it to protect her body
But it was her heart that she really intended to save with her pretence
Inside, she always wanted badly to beleive in fairytales and santa claus
To dance around in the rains and chase butterflies across
But it took only one look, one touch,
One scream is all she could manage before shattering into million pieces
The one person she loved as much as her own father, whom she trusted,
Had now been a permanent part of her nightmares
The memory of his lusty eyes and drooling face still made her shrug
She hated hersef for being weak and letting him crush her, for not being able to defend herself
She hated how she let that one person affect her so much
To make her beleive that all of it was her fault
How it created this large void in her soul and filled it with hatred,
Towards herself and everone else
Noticing a silent tear roll down her cheek,
He cupped her face and held her closer
Before she met him, she’d accepted to be broken, damaged forever
It was strange, how one man scarred her for life while another one wanted lovingly to spend his entire life healing them
She looked deeply into his blue eyes, overwhelmed by the love and respect they reflected
She no longer needed the walls around her, she was happy to have let him in,
She felt vulnerable and yet safe in his arms
Something she thought was impossible before
She’d finally found her prince charming!!!