Friendship is a beautiful thing, right? But.. what about when it's not?
It's one of those relationships that can truly fuck you up for the rest of your life..
I hate how relatable it sounds.. the sheer number of people who
Have at some point in their life
Felt betrayed by a friend
Felt unappreciated by a friend
Felt like they gave too much of theirselves away for someone who they thought would do the same,
Only to never be able to feel whole again
How does one really fill that hole?
How do you stop yourself from booty dialing that one (ex) best friend at 3am when you're feeling down
Or just really need someone to talk to?
Do you stop watching that tv show they got you hooked on?
Or forget the lyrics to every song of the band you both loved and jammed to at every sleepover?
The matching tees
The way they take their coffee
The inside jokes
The darkest secrets
The first boy who broke her heart
The book she can never get enough of
To the first time you caught them lying
Your conversations got shorter
The hugs felt colder
I .. don't really know where I'm going with this..
But I'd just like to say I'm sorry for anyone who knows what I'm really trying to say.. y'all are precious and deserve the world!
I know I might sound overly dramatic to some, so
Lemme just say I'm really happy for y'all.. happy that no one ever made you feel that way and I hope no one ever does!
Have a great day everyone💖
Whatever it takes
I think and I think and I think
Nothing helps, no matter what I drink
Sticking out like a sore thumb, is it really that bad?
Being okay with it, why does it make them mad?
They try and try to blend you in, to get lost in the crowd
So when you realise you’re truly lost, does it make them proud?
The guilt it instills in you, the endless rounds of questioning yourselves,
Even the lost will to exist , to breathe , to stand up for ourselves,
But don’t let your ideas and efforts get abashed in the name of potential mistakes
Rip the pages of belittlement and let them sing of your triumphs, whatever it takes!
A letter to myself
I want to write a letter
To the five year old me
Whose smile was brighter than sun that shined
With rosy cheeks and eyes too kind
Who knew perfectly well how to throw tantrums and fits
And such a devilish sense of humour, with none that could match her wits
Hoping to find the key to happiness she had
That let her be hopeful, even in situations that bad
I want to write a letter
To the ten year old me
Who loved everything around her selflessly and was instantly liked by all
Who was reckless and had not a care in the world as she knew no one would let her fall
Hoping to get back some of the confidence, fierceness and charm in her
That seems to have kept fading away, day by day, year by year
I want to write a letter
To the fifteen year old me
Who knew she wasn’t born to be confined in that small town that kept her tied
Who was so determined to spread out her wings and fly, that she couldn’t help and lied
Not just to her parents but also to herself, that everytime would be the last
And now their disappointed faces and the guilt have become the ghosts that haunt her past
Hoping to remind her how dearly she was loved and that she only had to ask
For help, for support, even a shoulder to cry on instead of hiding behind that mask
I want to write a letter
To the 20 year old me
Who will probably have began working a corporate job
Or figured out the hoax and with no way out be digging into the pillow to cover her sob
Hoping that I can provide her with a few words of comfort on such stormy nights
And remind her of the girl she was, of how bravely she fought all her fights
And despite everyone trying to tame her down, she stuck up for herself, for her dreams
Right or not, winning or not, she’ll always be the one constant player on her team!
HE’S THE ONE !
If he listens to you rant on and on about how your eyeliners dont match,he’s the one!
But if he tells you to stop being a whiny little kid and probably just do them again, he’s the one!
If he knows when you’re feeling off, and how to cheer you up, he’s the one!
If he patiently waits for you to tell him about it, when you’re willing, he’s the one!
If he wraps you up in big bear hugs and is up for cuddling whenever you need, he’s the one!
But if he likes to have his own space and also respects yours, he’s the one!
If he orders you an extra cheesy pizza when all you ask for is a salad, he’s the one!
If he cockily snatches away fries from your plate when you arent looking, he’s the one!
If he loves to hold your hand and keep you close and proudly show you off, he’s the one!
But if he’d rather have you all for himself than sharing your divine moments, he’s the one!
If he passionately hypes you up inspite of your twisted raunchy humour, he’s the one!
But if he calls you out on your bullshit and then revels in watching the angry pout on your face, he’s the one!
If he remembers random little details about things you say, your likes and dislikes , he’s the one!
Even if he forgets your birthday or when you first met , but makes every day seem just as special, he’s definitely the one !!!
To the idiot I love
Your voice is my favourite music
The kind I’d love to listen to all day!
Your eyes my favourite illusion, in them
I’d love to get lost in every way!
Your scent feels just like home
The kind I never wanna stay away from, honestly, never!
Your shoulders more relaxing than any bed
Time stops and all my worries disappear and for once, it feels like forever!
Your hugs , the way you so deftly scoop me up in your strong arms
They’re the cocoons I keep coming back to even after breking free!
Your smile, the heavenly blend of innocence and tease
Knowing that I’m the reason for it, sends my heart on a happy spree!
Mirage called Love
How could you be dumb enough
To beleive him when he said you were special,
that there existed between you a common denominator
To forget all those times he ignored your calls and texts just because he was “sorry” later
How could you be so blind
To look past all his wrongs just because deep down you wanted him to be your “right”
To tolerate patiently all his mood swings for you fall all over again at his mere sight
How could you not realise,
The strings that you thought were attatched strongly had infact many loose ends
“The one” for him you werent, for you, none of his rules he’d ever bend
How could you be so reckless
To give up on your friends who meant the world to you to fit in his tiny dingy heart
To keep hiding all those scars he so obliviously gave
For the fear of everything falling apart…..
WORDS THAT REMAINED UNSAID
I know its been a really long while but I wanted to let you know
I told you I loved you, not just to hear you say it back to me
But because I meant it , I still do
I dont care if we havent been in touch lately,
I dont care if all you want to do is rant about something stupid in life
I dont care if its 3 in the morning and you think I’m probably asleep
Just know, that I’m gonna be there, always!
Because that is what love means to me,
That.. is what you mean to me!
Cut yourself a little slack !
Cut yourself a little slack
You know you’ve been through a lot,
The barriers you thought you’d never get through
The set backs you didnt think you could move on from
The test you thought you wouldnt ever be able to pass in
The obdurate pimple you feared would grace your face forever
That embarassing incident in high school, the churlish classmates and their laughter echoing in your ears
Left you crestfallen, wanting to disappear
Didnt it make you beleive your life was fucking messed up and couldnt be worse?
Now take a long moment and think of all those times and situations again
Yes you’ve made it out alive
And you’re gonna keep doing so
You may not pass everytime with flying colours
But you’ll always learn something new, experience something unique
And life will make a little more sense each day!
Our life is what we build it to be..
I had promised myself to be strong and collected
To be my first priority for a change
But I could feel the tears well up and make their way down my cheeks
So safe to say, I was back to my vulnerable self again!
I had by now started to believe I was a lost case
But then I remembered the words of an angel who, with such grace
Encouraged me to come out of the pool of self loathing and false pity I had soaked myself into
Thats it! I said, I had finally realised and set my actual goal to chase
There are a lot of things no number of books can ever teach us and this I think is one of them
Our life is what we chose it to be , what we build it to be and the poor stars are not to be blamed
It will always give you challenges and throw tantrums even , only to sit back and enjoy waching you stumble and fall , when
“Haha You Lose!” It will have claimed
She wound the rugged jacket tightly around herself
Its scent made her feel close to her dad
It made her feel safe, warm and fearless
Now it wasnt pretty and pink like the others
But it suited perfectly her disguise, one she strived to maintain
The deliberate walls she built around herself, never letting anyone in
Or the stone cold , bulletproof attitude she had mastered
Others beleived that she wore it to protect her body
But it was her heart that she really intended to save with her pretence
Inside, she always wanted badly to beleive in fairytales and santa claus
To dance around in the rains and chase butterflies across
But it took only one look, one touch,
One scream is all she could manage before shattering into million pieces
The one person she loved as much as her own father, whom she trusted,
Had now been a permanent part of her nightmares
The memory of his lusty eyes and drooling face still made her shrug
She hated hersef for being weak and letting him crush her, for not being able to defend herself
She hated how she let that one person affect her so much
To make her beleive that all of it was her fault
How it created this large void in her soul and filled it with hatred,
Towards herself and everone else
Noticing a silent tear roll down her cheek,
He cupped her face and held her closer
Before she met him, she’d accepted to be broken, damaged forever
It was strange, how one man scarred her for life while another one wanted lovingly to spend his entire life healing them
She looked deeply into his blue eyes, overwhelmed by the love and respect they reflected
She no longer needed the walls around her, she was happy to have let him in,
She felt vulnerable and yet safe in his arms
Something she thought was impossible before
She’d finally found her prince charming!!!
Wanna share a muffin?
I dont know why I try to camouflage in their skin
And not stand up for myself, for what I am within
Adding layers upon layers and masks upon masks
Anything to fill the deep pit of soliteriness and self loathing, why do I do it to myself I ask
Why cant I enjoy a queit cup of coffee with my favourite book ,
And not care about my messy braid or how I look?
Why is everyone so reluctant to stand out ,
To simply smile instead of woo and pout?
I wonder if I’ll ever find, in this world of picture perfect freak shakes and fries
Someone who’d like to share … maybe a muffin? Or atleast tries..?