Friendship and closure

Friendship is a beautiful thing, right? But.. what about when it's not?
It's one of those relationships that can truly fuck you up for the rest of your life.. 
I hate how relatable it sounds.. the sheer number of people who 
Have at some point in their life
Felt betrayed by a friend
Felt unappreciated by a friend 
Felt like they gave too much of theirselves away for someone who they thought would do the same, 
Only to never be able to feel whole again
How does one really fill that hole?
How do you stop yourself from booty dialing that one (ex) best friend at 3am when you're feeling down 
Or just really need someone to talk to?
Do you stop watching that tv show they got you hooked on?
Or forget the lyrics to every song of the band you both loved and jammed to at every sleepover?
The matching tees
The way they take their coffee
The inside jokes
The darkest secrets
The first boy who broke her heart
The book she can never get enough of
To the first time you caught them lying
Your conversations got shorter
The hugs felt colder

I .. don't really know where I'm going with this.. 
But I'd just like to say I'm sorry for anyone who knows what I'm really trying to say.. y'all are precious and deserve the world! 


P.S.
I know I might sound overly dramatic to some, so
Lemme just say I'm really happy for y'all.. happy that no one ever made you feel that way and I hope no one ever does! 
Have a great day everyone💖

Let go of our fears

We’re the personification of irony, all of us
We’re afraid of being alone, and yet whenever we’re faced with a problem,
or simply overwhelmed,
We’re too proud to say we’re not okay
Instead, our first instinct is to hide,
Because we want to deal with it on our own
Beause we simply refuse to believe that anyone could actually help
Because we don’t want anyone to see that speck of vulnerability in us
Our fences of insecurity and self defences have become giant impenetrable walls
We cannot think, cannot see through it
Or probably just won’t
With a variety of excuses in our arsenal
Ready to shoot down any rational arguement that tries to break through
Because taking a leap of faith has broken us instead at some point in life
But what we don’t get is that it’s not the decision of letting in that was wrong as much as the person we actually let in
That we failed to notice the ones who not only could but actually did have our backs
And thus we let the ripple effects of our mistakes hold us back further
Because we want people to beleive in us without the heart to let go of our fears

Red

The colour of love, the colour of roses

But also as a symbol of danger it poses

A sign of life in the form of blood

Is there even a soul who dislikes it in the world?

The queen of sultry from dresses to cherries

And glossy lips , wine and strawberries

It can empower a woman, taking a spot on her forehead

Or make her impure, confining her for days to her bed

A control freak by nature, loves to be in charge all the time

It sets boundaries for even the rainbows that shine

Who else could dare stop vehicles on busy streets

Or make women too ominous for even God to greet !

She sells her body

Her glistening eyes that once were a calm ocean now behold a burning rage

Cover your legs they said, no crop tops they said, it’s not the right age

She ditched the stilletos for they were provocative they said

But that didnt prevent it from happening, nor did the saffron on her head

Neither the concrete structure she’d go for praying with flowers and her soul to offer

Nor did the society she desperately tried to fit in tried to take the pain off her

Her cries for help were answered by pretentious display of sympathy

But they soon dried up , along with the expectations of their empathy

It’s strange how she was left alone to fight her battles by herself

And now since she finally stopped trying and decided to give in to her fate

She sells her body they say

Got no morals, just a will and a way

She aint fit to live in our society they diss

Holding her guilty for enjoying such bliss ….

I MISS HIM…..

I miss him

Even though he is right in front of me

Laughing and talking with our friends

I wanna walk straight up to him ask him how his day was and whatever else I manage to blurt about

I start to call out for him but words refuse to escape my mouth

And so I scurry back away, making a complete fool of myself all over again

I miss him

Even though I’ve continuously been reading our conversations,

Trying to find out some loophole, something that I might’ve missed the first time

Or the hundredth time

But they give me the same butterflies, the same confusion, the same pain again

And I end up in a blurry wave of emotions with no proper conclusion all over again

I miss him

Even though his picture is painted oh so vividly in my eyes

I still yearn to see him, every chance I can

To fuel the fire burning in me, burning me up

Wondering if he’d ever feel any of it

If I’ll ever be able to tell him any of it,

But mostly, if it’ll make any difference to him,

And I’m going round and round in those same circles in my mind, all over again!

Its How You Lost The Guy!

---

You stood there waiting for him, nervousness filling you up with each passing second. It was the same park where you both first met. You remenisce on the wonderful memories you’d created walking through the same roads, the times you pretended to be cold so that he would wrap you up in his jacket! The many coffee dates he took you on inspite of being more of a tea person himself. The way you’d squeeze his hand tight and give him a comforting smile, to reassure him. You lowkey loved how he was extremely protective and possessive about you but would never admit.

But he wasnt there today, you know he’s gone

You crave his scent , his warm hands around you! You always kept pushing him, like others, to see if he would come back, if he cared enough to fight for you. And everytime that he did, your feelings and trust in him grew a little stronger. Each time,he’d hold and comfort you, and tell you he loved you. But it somehow was never enough for you and you’d push him back farther each time. Well, guess what! This time you finally pushed him so far away, that he couldnt find his way back. All thats left for you to do is stand there waiting for him, hoping for your love to guide him back to you!

Words can be deceptive

Words were her weakness

They fascinated her, inspired her, gave her a sense of happiness and content

An escape to a world of her own

A land of superheroes and dark wizards

Of fairies and mermaids and unicorns even

She however failed to realise

It was a different kind of scrabble that he was playing ..

To the idiot I love

Your voice is my favourite music
The kind I’d love to listen to all day!
Your eyes my favourite illusion, in them
I’d love to get lost in every way!

Your scent feels just like home
The kind I never wanna stay away from, honestly, never!
Your shoulders more relaxing than any bed
Time stops and all my worries disappear and for once, it feels like forever!

Your hugs , the way you so deftly scoop me up in your strong arms
They’re the cocoons I keep coming back to even after breking free!
Your smile, the heavenly blend of innocence and tease
Knowing that I’m the reason for it, sends my heart on a happy spree!

Mirage called Love

How could you be dumb enough
To beleive him when he said you were special,
that there existed between you a common denominator
To forget all those times he ignored your calls and texts just because he was “sorry” later

How could you be so blind
To look past all his wrongs just because deep down you wanted him to be your “right”
To tolerate patiently all his mood swings for you fall all over again at his mere sight

How could you not realise,
The strings that you thought were attatched strongly had infact many loose ends
“The one” for him you werent, for you, none of his rules he’d ever bend

How could you be so reckless
To give up on your friends who meant the world to you to fit in his tiny dingy heart
To keep hiding all those scars he so obliviously gave
For the fear of everything falling apart…..

Cut yourself a little slack !

Cut yourself a little slack

You know you’ve been through a lot,

The barriers you thought you’d never get through

The set backs you didnt think you could move on from

The test you thought you wouldnt ever be able to pass in

The obdurate pimple you feared would grace your face forever

That embarassing incident in high school, the churlish classmates and their laughter echoing in your ears

Left you crestfallen, wanting to disappear

Didnt it make you beleive your life was fucking messed up and couldnt be worse?

Now take a long moment and think of all those times and situations again

Yes you’ve made it out alive
And you’re gonna keep doing so

You may not pass everytime with flying colours

But you’ll always learn something new, experience something unique

And life will make a little more sense each day!